Shmeilia Rockie's HQ

THE ELF CLAUSE
by: Crescent Dreamweaver

Note: Rating gets changed from PG to PG-13 because Bernard decides to make kissy noises with Celeste. *nudge nudge* *wink wink* That, and also because of the beginning of this chapter.

Also, Kelly's cousin Layla gets added into the mixture, and she's loco el cabarro. *crosses eyes and makes coo-coo clock noises* Well, she's not really crazy. I just call her that 'cause she's a real bee-yotch.

Oh, and one other thing that I thought I should mention for you Bernard fanatics out there: *takes a deep breath* HE TAKES HIS SHIRT OFF!!!

Chapter 2

"No!" Celeste screamed, trying to run away from Bernard, a terrified look on her face. "Don't!"

But before she could take more than a few steps, Bernard grabbed her and yanked her backwards. "It's too late," he growled, and shoved her down onto a bench that was nearby. "I promise you that it won't hurt. Now, stop struggling! You're gonna do this!"

"You can't make me!" Celeste spat defiantly.

"The heck I can't." Bernard finally managed to get her shoes off her feet, and he dropped them onto the ground.

"No! I won't let you do this to me!"

"Celeste, you're gonna do this whether you want to or not, so shaddup and hold still."

A moment later, Celeste let out a yelp. "Ow! I think that was the wrong place for it to go!"

"Hey, who's the professional here, you or me?"

A few minutes later, Bernard was grunting, and Celeste was gasping for air. Finally, Bernard let out one final grunt, and then sighed with relief.

"See, Celeste? I told you it wouldn't hurt."

"They're uncomfortable," she replied sulkily.

"That's because you've never worn ice skates before."

Celeste scowled up at Bernard, who merely grinned. He'd arrived at her dorm room twenty minutes ago, insisting that he had a surprise for her and that she had to come with him.

What he hadn't said was that the "surprise" was a trip to the ice-skating rink in Central Park.

Still scowling at Bernard, Celeste got to her feet, and hobbled over to the rink. Carefully placing her feet onto the ice while holding onto the wall, she began skating forward.

And promptly fell flat on her face.

Celeste lifted her head and scowled as Bernard skated over to her as gracefully as a falcon in flight. He grinned down at her, and then held out both of his hands.

"You just need practice," he said cheerfully, pulling Celeste to her feet. "I'll help you."

"How?" Celeste demanded.

"Uh, give me a second. I'll think of something." Bernard looked thoughtful for several seconds, and then snapped his fingers. "Got it! Ever done a pavanne*?"

"A what?"

"A medievel dance."

"Oh, *hell* no! I can barely skate for a few feet without falling flat on my face, and you want me to do a medievel dance on ice? Forget it!"

Bernard rolled his eyes. "First of all, it ain't fancy; it's elegant. Second of all, it's easy. Third of all, we're only going to be doing the first two steps. Left, together, right, together." He demonstrated, and then looked back at Celeste. "See? It's easy."

Celeste glared at him, but began carefully moving towards him. When she was about two feet away from him, she lost her balance and fell flat on her behind. Bernard sighed, and pulled her to her feet again.

"Come on. We'll do it together. At least until you've got enough confidence to do it on your own. Okay?" He gave her a reassuring smile.

Celeste nodded, and almost fell again. But before she could, Bernard caught her, managing to hold her upright. One of his arms slid around her waist.

"Don't worry," he whispered. "I won't let you fall."

Celeste stared into his dark brown eyes. They were the color of rich brandy, the kind that her father occasionally drank, and were filled with warmth.

Warmth that was directed at her.

~We were strangers on a crazy adventure
Never dreaming how our dreams would come true
Now here we stand
Unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you~

"Thanks," Celeste replied finally, her cheeks turning pink.

"Ready?" Bernard asked, and Celeste nodded. "All right, then. Left, together, right, together. That's it."

As he helped Celeste skate, Bernard moved closer to her. For the first time, he noticed that her hair smelled like vanilla, and he felt the same warmth in his chest that he had the day before. His arm tightened slightly around her waist.

A few minutes later, Celeste pulled away from him, and began skating off by herself. She was shaky at first, but then she began moving with more confidence.

~Life is a road and I wanna keep going
Love is a river I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever
A wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you~

As Bernard watched her skating by herself, he grinned, waiting until she was on the other side of the rink. Then he began skating after her, dodging the people that were skating in front of him easily.

~Knew there was somebody somewhere
Like me alone in the dark
Now I know that dreams will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing's gonna tear us apart~

"Hey, Celeste!" Bernard yelled as he picked up speed. Celeste stopped skating and turned around to see what he wanted.

When she saw him skating towards and not slowing down, her eyes grew wide, and she held her hands out in front of her. "No! Bernard, don't you dare! Don't you---AHHHHH!"

Bernard grabbed her hands and began spinning around with her.

As they spun around together, the look of terror disappeared from Celeste's face, and was almost immediately replaced with a huge grin.

~Life is a road and I wanna keep going
Love is a river I wanna keep going on
Starting out on a journey~

However, they were spinning faster and faster, and a moment later, they spun out of control, crashing into a snow bank that was beside the ice-skating rink. Bernard ended up flat on his back with a bunch of snow up his shirt, and Celeste landed on his chest.

"Sorry about that," she said, giggling. She started to get up, but before she could, Bernard's hand snaked out and grabbed her wrist. Celeste froze, her green-grey eyes meeting his dark brown ones.

~Life is a road and I wanna keep going
Love is a river I wanna keep flowing
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you~

The two of them lay there for a minute, not moving, just staring into each other's eyes. Finally, Celeste blinked, and quickly climbed off of Bernard's chest.

"Sorry," she murmured again, blushing.

Bernard fought the urge to blush as well, and instead stood up.

"That's okay," he replied softly. "I'll walk you back to your dorm room."

They went over to the bench, and pulled their shoes back on. Then they walked down the street.

As they walked towards Celeste's dorm room, Bernard glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. Her cheeks and nose were slightly red, but she didn't look resentful of the cold. Instead, she looked happy.

Bernard grinned. --There's no doubt about it. She's the one-- he thought happily. Then he fought back a frown. --Now, how am I going to get to get her to fall in love with me?--

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the North Pole...

Layla glared at her cousin Kelly. "You told me a fib! You said that Bernard was desperate for a wife, and that he would gladly go out with me!"

Kelly winced, and ran her fingers through her long reddish-brown hair, brushing her bangs out of her pale brown eyes. "I didn't tell you a fib. I thought that Bernard would willingly go out with you. But I hadn't realized that he would be stubborn enough to try to find a wife on his own." Layla scowled. "Maybe Bernard's not the one for you."

Layla's scowl grew even darker. "Of *course* Bernard's the one for me! He and I are perfect for each other! He had curly black hair and brown eyes, and I have straight blond hair and blue eyes. We're complete opposites, and opposites attract."

She turned around and stomped away. Sighing, Kelly followed her. Some days, it just didn't pay to get out of bed.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, the two of them stood in front of Celeste's dorm room.

Bernard swallowed hard as he stared down at her. "Well, I hope that you had fun today," he said. "Before the ice-skating incident, I mean." He mentally kicked himself when Celeste turned bright red. --Oh, way to go, romeo; remind her of the incident-- Bernard thought sarcastically. --That's a *great* way to make her fall in love with you.-- "Sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up."

Bernard turned to leave, and Celeste quickly spoke up. "Bernard, you don't have to leave. I know that you've got melted slush in the back of your shirt. I can pop it into the dryer, if you want."

Bernard swallowed again. "Uh...okay."

He followed Celeste into her dorm room, and blinked. It wasn't an ordinary dorm room; it was practically an apartment, with enough space for at least five people to live in. --Spirit of Christmas, how many roommates does she have?--

Celeste giggled at the look on his face. "Don't worry. I don't have any roommates. Mom and Dad know that I need peace and quiet when I do my work, so they paid extra." She motioned for Bernard to follow her. "Come on. The laundry room's this way."

A moment later, they arrived at a small room that contained a washer and a dryer. Without waiting for an invitation, Bernard peeled his shirt off, wincing at the cold slush. He handed it to Celeste, and she tossed it into the dryer, turning it on.

"How long will it take for my shirt to dry?" Bernard asked.

"It'll only take about twenty minutes." Celeste glanced over at him, and immediately turned bright red, quickly looking away. "Uh...I'm...I'm gonna go make some hot chocolate. You want some?"

"Sure." As Celeste hurried out of the laundry room, Bernard sighed and followed her. He didn't really feel like watching his shirt spin around in the dryer for the next twenty minutes.

When he arrived at the kitchen several minutes later, he saw that Celeste was leaning against the counter, stirring a mug of hot chocolate with a small spoon. There was another mug of hot chocolate beside her. Bernard walked over to her silently, and inhaled deeply, enjoying the smell of vanilla in her hair.

Celeste put the spoon down, and turned around, nearly jumping out of her skin when she saw that he was standing right behind her. "Bernard, you scared me!" she gasped. "Don't sneak up on me!"

Bernard gave her an apologetic look. "Sorry about that." There was an awkward silence, and the Head Elf realized just how close the two of them were. There was only a few inches of space between the two of them.

Bernard began closing the distance between them. Celeste didn't try to move away. Instead, she closed her eyes, and lifted her head slightly. Bernard hesitated for a moment, and then gently kissed her.

They gently pulled apart a few seconds later, and Celeste stared up into Bernard's brown eyes. "That was...nice," she whispered softly. An instant later, she giggled. "And *that* was the understatement of the year."

Celeste stood on her toes and this time, she kissed Bernard, which quickly deepened as he kissed her back. The two mugs of hot chocolate remained on the counter, completely forgotten.

--Well, I guess I figured out how to get Celeste to fall in love with me-- Bernard thought.

* * *

Back at the North Pole (again)...

Curtis, the second-in-command elf at the North Pole, stomped into the break room at the North Pole, where there were five other elves drinking mugs of hot chocolate.

One of the elves, Dan, looked over at him, a worried look on his face. "Hey, Curtis, is something wrong?" he asked, sounding concerned.

"Yeah, something's wrong," Curtis replied, looking upset. "Bernard left this morning on a jet pack, and he's still not back yet."

"Well, maybe he's trying to find a wife," pointed out another elf, Christopher. "After all, if he's not married by midnight on New Year's Eve, he loses his position as Head Elf, as well as his powers and his immortality. And New Year's Eve is less than two weeks away."

"You're right," replied Curtis, looking less upset. "I wonder if he's found anyone yet?" He pulled out the small magic mirror that all Head Elves and Number 2 elves had to carry, just in case of an emergency. "Show me the Head Elf," he commanded. The surface of the mirror turned smoky, and then cleared, showing where Bernard was and what he was doing. As soon as Curtis saw the Head Elf, his eyes grew wide. "Yuck!" He quickly turned the mirror off.

"What happened?" asked Dan worriedly.

"Bernard was kissing a girl!"

TO BE CONTINUED...

A/N: Just so all of you readers out there aren't confused, the reason Curtis reacted the way he did to seeing Bernard kissing Celeste on the mirror is because even though he has no problem with Bernard finding a wife, he just doesn't want to see the Head Elf kissing a young woman in her kitchen while shirtless.

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