Disclaimer: I don't own the Santa Clause. It belongs to Disney. I just own Celeste. I also don't own Galadriel's monologue, Sarah's monologue, or the song "At The Beginning". Galadriel's monologue belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, Sarah's monologue belongs to Jim Henson Productions and Lucasfilm Ltd, and the song "At The Beginning" is from the movie Anastasia, and belongs to 20th Century Fox.
Synopsis: Because of the Head Elf clause, Bernard has to find a wife before his 3,000th birthday. If he doesn't, not only will he no longer be Head Elf, but he'll also forfeit his powers and his immortality. Bernard/OC (there aren't nearly enough Bernard romance fics out there; of course, that could be due to the fact that there aren't hardly any SC fics out there).
Note: Despite the title, this fic doesn't make fun of SC or SC2. Also, I don't know how old Bernard is, so I'm just gonna make a wild guess.
* *= indicates emphasized words
-- --= indicates a person's thoughts
~ ~= indicates when a song is being sung
Let the story begin!
Chapter 1
"No, no, no!" yelled Bernard, glaring at the younger elf in front of him. She made puppy-dog eyes at him. "Kelly, for the last time, NO!"
"Pretty please, Bernard?" Kelly begged, her reddish-brown hair falling over her pointed ears. "All I'm asking is that you go out with my cousin once---just once! I'm positive that you and Layla will totally click!"
"NO!!!"
Pouting, Kelly spun around and stomped off. Bernard immediately fell backwards onto his chair, rubbing his temples. --Spirit of Christmas, if I have one more worker come up to me and try to set me up with one of their cousins...I'm not *that* desperate.-- Bernard glanced down at the watch that he wore, and winced. --Well, I *wasn't* that desperate, but now I'm not so sure.--
"Candy cane for your thoughts, Bernard?" The Head Elf looked up and saw that Santa was standing over him, a worried look on his face.
"Hey, big guy," he said, unable to keep the depression out of his voice. Santa looked even more worried, and slightly alarmed as well.
"All right, Bernard, spill," he ordered. "What's wrong?"
"I have to get married in the next two weeks," Bernard replied.
"And that's why you're depressed? Because you have to get married?"
"No, I'm depressed because I haven't picked out who I'm gonna marry yet."
"Then why do you have to get married?"
"Because of the Head Elf clause." Bernard looked up, and, seeing the confused look on Santa's face, explained. "You know how you had two different clauses, the Santa clause and the Mrs. clause?"
"Yeah."
"Well, I have the Head Elf clause. Every Head Elf has to get married before their 3,000th birthday. If the Head Elf in question doesn't get married by that time, not only is he or she no longer Head Elf, but they'll also lose their powers and their immortality."
Santa suddenly got it. "And your 3,000th birthday is in two weeks."
"Exactly." Bernard let out a sigh. "Every single worker here has decided that they're gonna help me find the perfect wife. As a result, I've been having to fight off the advances of their female cousins."
"Well, do you have to marry an elf?"
Bernard stared at Santa in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"Can you marry a human? Or do you have to marry an elf?"
Bernard shook his head. "No, she doesn't have to be an elf. If the woman I marry is human, then she becomes an elf." He sighed again. Then he looked up at Santa, a hopeful look on his face. "Can you give me any advice?"
Santa sighed. "You want advice?" Bernard nodded eagerly. "Try looking somewhere that isn't local."
Nineteen year old Celeste McCoy walked down 5th Avenue, hands tucked into her pockets. She wore a black leather bomber jacket, and underneath it, a denim miniskirt with a black belt, and a black shirt deep enough to reveal a slight amount of cleavage. On her feet, Celeste wore a pair of black leather ankle boots, and a pair of black socks.
She shivered, and pulled her hands out of her pockets, breathing on them to try and warm them up. --I feel like I need to be stuck in a microwave and defrosted-- she thought.
Celeste finally reached her destination: a small coffee shop. She opened the front door and walked inside, letting out a sigh of relief at the warmth.
The line wasn't very long, and it only took about five minutes to get to the counter.
"Hi!" said the lady behind the counter, whose nametag said that she was Marge. "How can I help you?" She sounded very chipper, and was smiling very cheerfully, as though it was a warm summer's day outside.
It took all of Celeste's willpower not to reach across the counter and strangle her.
Instead, she pasted a smile onto her face, and replied, "I'd like a large cup of hot chocolate and two large chocolate chip cookies."
Marge nodded, and a few minutes later, she handed Celeste her hot chocolate and two cookies. "That'll be $4.50."
Celeste handed her a five dollar bill, and put the two quarters that she got back into her pocket. Carefully balancing her drink and snack, she went over to an empty booth and sat down, not noticing that she was being watched by a strange figure with curly black hair and brown eyes, wearing a strange outfit made of velvet material.
Bernard sat near the back of the coffee shop, sipping his hot chocolate. He'd been here for nearly an hour, watching the women that were there and judging them. --Too old-looking, too young-looking, that shirt is completely tasteless, she's so obviously underage, that outfit would offend the owner of the world's cheapest brothel.-- Bernard sighed. None of the women here were to his taste.
He started to get up to leave, but then he saw a young woman walk into the coffee shop. Her dark brown hair was pulled into a high ponytail, with her bangs falling into her gray-green eyes. Bernard stared at her, and sat back in his seat. He picked up his hot chocolate and took a deep swallow of it.
As he watched, the young woman ordered a large hot chocolate and two large chocolate chip cookies. Bernard grinned. --She likes hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies...definitely my kind of girl.--
The young woman, who Bernard judged to be at least eighteen, sat down at a booth and pulled her black leather bomber jacket off, revealing the outfit underneath. He swallowed hard, staring at her. She wore a skintight black shirt with a neckline deep enough to show a small amount of cleavage, a denim miniskirt, black ankle boots, and black socks. --Boy, she really likes the color black.--
As he stared at her, the young woman pulled a book out of her pocket, and opened it to near the end. She read it for a few minutes, her eyes scanning the page, and then she closed the book, getting to her feet.
"Wise the Lady Galadriel may be, yet here she has met her match in courtesy," she announced loudly, causing the other customers in the coffee shop to turn around and stare at her, Bernard among them.
It was as though the young woman had become an entirely different person altogether. Her eyes were sparkling, and her face was slightly flushed.
Bernard recognized that look. It was the look of someone in their element.
"Gently are you revenged for my testing of your heart at our first meeting. You begin to see with a keen eye."
Her voice changed slightly, becoming softer and more thoughtful.
"I do not deny that my heart has greatly desired to ask what you offer. For many long years, I had pondered what would happen, should the Great Ring come into my hands, and behold! it was brought within my grasp. The evil that was devised long ago works on in many ways, whether Sauron himself stands or falls. Would not that have been a noble deed to set to the credit of his Ring, if I had taken it by force or fear from my guest?"
Her voiced changed again, becoming more passionate and demanding.
"And now at last it comes. You will give me the Ring freely! In place of the Dark Lord you will set up a Queen."
Bernard couldn't help shivering. The young woman's face was darkening, and becoming more fearful. She was good at this.
Almost frighteningly good.
"And I shall not be dark, but beautiful and terrible as the Morning and the Night! Fair as the Sea and the Sun and the snow upon the Mountain! Dreadful as the Storm and the Lightning! Stronger than the foundations of the earth. All shall love me and despair!"
By that time, she appeared to have grown to twice her size. Bernard stared at her, mouth hanging open. A moment later, the young woman stopped speaking, and seemed to shrink back to her regular size. She blinked, looking bewildered.
"I pass the test," she said softly, sounding slightly sad. "I will diminish, and go into the West, and remain Galadriel."
As soon as she finished speaking, Bernard began applauding, and the rest of the people in the coffee shop followed suit. The young woman grinned, and bowed low. Bernard stopped applauding long enough to put two fingers in his mouth and give a shrill wolf whistle. She bowed again, and then sat back down. Within a matter of minutes, everyone in the coffee shop went back to what they were doing.
Bernard quickly got to his feet, grabbing his hot chocolate, and went over to where the young woman was sitting.
"Mind if I sit here?" he asked politely. The young woman looked up at him, and smiled.
"Sure."
Bernard sat down across from her, and took a sip of his hot chocolate. "You did really well," he said finally. "If you dyed your hair blonde and put blue contacts in your eyes, you could be the next Cate Blanchett."
She giggled, and took a sip of her hot chocolate. "Thanks. I was practicing for my drama class at NYU. I'm trying to decide what sort of monologue I should perform for my classmates. Although, truth be told, I'm actually thinking of doing Sarah's monologue from the movie 'Labyrinth'." She cleared her throat dramatically, and began. "Through dangers untold, and hardships unnumbered---"
"---I have fought my way here to the castle, beyond the Goblin City, to take back the child which you have stolen," finished Bernard. Giving him a funny look, the young woman went on.
"For my will is as strong as yours---"
"---And my kingdom is as great." The two of them stared at each other, and, as one, completed the short monologue.
"You have no power over me."
Bernard stared at the young woman. The last time he'd seen the movie had been nearly eighteen years ago, after Christmas had finished for the year. All of the elves had taken a day off, since there wasn't any work to be done.
"You are a most unique young woman," he murmured, staring at her. Suddenly, he remembered his manners, and held out his hand. "I'm Bernard, by the way."
"I'm Celeste McCoy." She accepted his hand, and gasped as a small current of electricity traveled through them.
Bernard stared at Celeste, knowing that the stunned look on her face must surely reflect his own. She yanked her hand away, and looked down at the table. Without saying anything, she pulled her jacket on, wrapped her two cookies up in a couple of napkins and shoved them into her pockets, and then grabbed her hot chocolate. She stood up so quickly Bernard was afraid she was going to spill her hot chocolate all over herself, and then walked towards the door, opening it and going outside.
He immediately got to his feet, grabbing his hot chocolate, and followed her. "Hey, Celeste, wait," he called, hurrying to catch up with her. "I'm sorry if I've offended you in some way. Please, wait."
Celeste stopped where she was, and turned to face him. Bernard stared down at her. Her boots had three-inch heels, putting her at about five foot four.
She stared up at him silently, and then smiled, shaking her head faintly. "You haven't offended me," she replied softly. "I overreacted, that's all."
~We were strangers
Starting out on a journey
Never dreaming what we'd have to go through
Now here we are, and I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you~
Bernard couldn't help smiling. "If I'd been in your shoes, I'd probably have done the same thing."
Celeste giggled, and Bernard fought to keep from sighing in pure happiness. Her laughter made him feel warm inside, just like he'd had a cup of Judy's homemade hot chocolate. --She's the one I've been searching for. I'm sure of it.--
~No one told me I was going to find you
Unexpected, what you did to my heart
When I lost hope
You were there to remind me
This is the start~
Celeste reached into her coat pocket and pulled out her cookies. "I don't think that I could eat two gigantic chocolate chip cookies by myself," she said shyly. "Want to share them?"
Bernard grinned. "It would practically be a sin to refuse an offer like that." He took the cookie she held out to him, and bit into it. It wasn't the softest cookie he'd ever eaten, but it was still good.
~Life is a road, and I wanna keep going
Love is a river I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever
A wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you~
Smiling at each other, they began walking down the street together.
TO BE CONTINUED...
A/N: I know that Bernard is a bit out of character, but what can I do about it? After all, he has to get married in the next two weeks, and in order to do that, he has to get Celeste to fall in love with him.
Chapter 2
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